Photo Credit: Psych Central
- The Know-It-Alls – they are arrogant and usually have an opinion on every issue. When they’re wrong, they get defensive. In psychology they would fit the category of narcissists who see themselves superior and above others and have sense of entitlement. On the other hand, this usually comes from a place of deep sense of inferiority and they want to prove others that they are better than others.
2. The Passives – these people never give you ideas, instead they comply and are people pleasers out of fear of rejection. Usually, they grew up in families with lots of children and they were neglected, or their parents were strict and even controlling.
When you come across them, be compassionate and encourage them to speak openly and reassure them that you respect their opinion. It all depends how important the relationship is to you.
3. The Dictators - they bully and intimidate and expect everyone to obey. Unfortunately in our history we have a lot of these individuals as leaders. Contrary to what we might think, generally we find under their mask that they keep in public, they are often very wounded, abandoned, or weak individuals who might have grown in violent homes or they were abandoned and never receive love and affection. However, as human beings we have a choice – being abused or tormented, we can become an aggressor/dictator, or this makes us even more determined to help others, equally wounded individuals and develop deeper insight and more compassion towards others.
If you are working for an individual like this, or you are even married to one, my advice is to find a professional help and encourage your partner to seek help. If he is unwilling, you will need to leave the marriage, relationship, or toxic workplace.
4. “The Yes People” – they agree to any commitment with enthusiasm, however they do not often mean it and you can’t trust them to follow through. They might have good intentions, however you might end up being resentful and angry.
Do yourself a favor and don’t ask them for things that you know they will not able to commit to. Instead, invite them when they can still give a helping hand, along with others who are more reliable so that not showing up will not ruin your plans. Alternatively, you can stop asking them to help. Period. If you are married or in a relationship with this person, know that most likely they will not change and especially they will not respond to your nagging or continuous explanations. You will need to be more creative and find what they enjoy helping with that doesn’t require much advanced notice.
5. “The No People – Chronic Complainers, who always see something negative about the situation. They are also called “energy vampires” who can really drain you and also dampen your joy. You will need to confront them honestly even if this a long-term friendship.
This happened to me as I was for over 20 years listening to my best friend’s complaints about her marriage and kids, her husband who cheated on her and left and of course, being a friend, and also licensed clinician, I tried to help her with tools and resources, however she would always find an excuse why she cannot do it. Simply, she was afraid to make some family members upset, including her parents (she is still living with her parents at 55) and she was afraid of change. We were all there once including myself and after working on myself intensely for over 20 years, we just were not on the same energy vibration/level of consciousness and I had to say goodbye as she was not willing, and also incapable to change and stand up for herself. When you do that, detach with compassion as you were once where they are now. However chronic complainers can weaken your immune system by allowing exposure to negative energy and you may not even know that you have become – or remained – even more negative. Honestly, that’s why I don’t believe in 12 steps after somebody has been there for years and still rehashing the same story over 30 years ago without making any serious changes.
Now that we discussed some types of negative people, I also want to speak briefly about the process of non-violent communication as founded by world known experts in the field, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg.
In the fore-word by Deepak Chopra to his most well known book, Non-Violent Communication, the Basic premise of this is, that the way we relate to the world is through language. According to Dr. Marshall, we are not our stories. We all see the world based on our conscious or sub-conscious beliefs, environment, culture, and so on. These stories remain intact through habit, group coercion, old conditioning, and lack of self-awareness. Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose – to think in terms what is right and what is wrong with people while in fact, this is only a perception. What is right so to speak in one culture, might be wrong, in another. As an example, in Western societies it is polite to look person in the eyes while we speak; while in Eastern/Asian cultures, this would be considered disrespectful. These are all formations of the Ego. Aggression is built into our Ego system which totally focuses on “I” and “mine” when the conflict takes place. The only way to resolve this conflict is to give up your story and become who you really are.
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