According to Imago therapy, we attract partners who in one way or the other resemble our caregivers; whether those characteristics are “positive” or “negative.” Many female clients that I worked with over the years lacked self love, confidence, and felt that they need to be perfect and please everyone to be loved. They are afraid to be alone and so they get into the relationship with the first guy that comes along. It takes one to know one.
Many times they were abused as children and teenagers so drama and chaos is more familiar than peace and happiness. The recovery can be long; however it starts with realistic look at yourself and asking yourself "Whose life am I living?" In addition, with the top-notch techniques such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Clinical Hypnosis my clients had a much faster recovery results and also changes are more permanent as we go deep within and heal from inside out.
According to Brenda Schaeffer in her book “Is it love or is it addiction?” most of us have addictive tendencies, whether is food, substance abuse, or relationships. According to Peele, with Archie Brodsky, authors of “Love and Addiction,” they define an addiction as “unstable state of being, marked by a compulsion to deny all that you are or have been in favor of some new and exciting experience.” In case of love and sex addicts, they pour all their fear, insecurities, and emptiness into the relationship which can never be whole if we are not whole and can stand on our own two feet.
Some key characteristics of addictive love: they feel consumed, they cannot define ego boundaries, they fear letting go, they fear risk and change and the unknown, they play psychological games, they demand and expect unconditional love, and I will add, also forget about their friends or other relationships and they often suffer issues at home and in the workplace as they are often distracted and forgetful.
Brenda Shaffer further postulates that “if we are capable of mature love as adults, we need to develop an internal system of self-parenting that offers unconditional self-love, wise self-guidance, and strong self-support.”
I have helped numerous women to learn how to self-soothe, self-nurture, and learn how to love themselves, which is an ongoing journey.
Don't wait to be happy one day and don't settle for less out of fear you will end up alone. I am a living proof that it is possible to heal from trauma and attract mature and functional partners once you love yourself enough to say NO to relationships that are doomed from the beginning.
At the same time, sometimes we need to let people make mistakes and it hurts when they are close to us. It is like watching a person drown and you cannot do anything. All you can do is be for them when they are ready to love themselves enough to say NO to dysfunctional relationships that can be very addictive.
Call TODAY for a complimentary 15 min consultation at 561-299-1028.