I agree with her it is so much easier to just accept that the marriage was doomed to fail because of the divorce statistic instead of digging into the real reasons (yes, there’s usually more than one reason) the marriage failed.
Working with people for over 20 years, and specifically ten or so years in the mental health field, I have observed interesting trends. Growing up in Europe, I have not come across people getting married, or divorced, for that matter, so easily. In the US many people get married on the spur of the moment, based on initial physical attraction, and maybe even going to Las Vegas and then regretting it. Just think about the movies such as “Leaving Las Vegas” with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kuthcer. I am not saying this is true of all marriages, however many times people really don’t think about important questions before getting married. Because divorce is so easy these days, sometimes marriage is really about “trying it out” if the person is the right match, instead of taking time to get to know a person.
Several of my clients that I worked with have gotten married for the wrong reasons. I believe in the value of pre-marital counseling. This is where going to marriage counselor BEFORE issues arise can be so instrumental. It is much more difficult when years go by and there are children to think about. Questions to ask yourself and your spouse include:
- Do we have the same values, life goals, and vision?
- Do we want to have children or not?
- How are we going to handle finances?
- How frequent will we visit our families and how much say will they have in raising our children?
- How important is religion to us?
- How do we want to spend free time and holidays?
Just to give you an example. I worked with a couple who initially came to me in desperation, and marriage counseling was their last resort. There were issues with communication – which is one of the key issues for most couples – as well as substance abuse and relationships with the in-laws. By utilizing Imago Approach, and working on acceptance and forgiveness, a year later after working with me they were back to their happy, joyful selves and have learned how to communicate more effectively.
Imago Approach is based on the work of Harville and Helen Hendricks. It is founded on the premise that we attract a romantic partner who in one way or the other resembles the characteristics of our primary caregivers and in most cases we are not even aware of it.
By exploring childhood issues that are many times deeply ingrained I have been able to help partners understand the pattern of ongoing and often emotionally charged conflicts. I work with couples to communicate effectively and learn effective conflict resolution skills.
Other challenges my clients face include divorce, separation, infidelity, addictions, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, abuse, life transitions, financial issues, and parenting issues.
Most of all, I empower clients to see things from a solution focused standpoint and provide them with a "tool box" to effectively deal with challenges even after therapy has been successfully completed.
Sometimes, however, the issues are too deep and there were cases where I helped my clients to cut the ties and leave the marriage that has been dead for year.
So, don’t suffer, pick up a phone and schedule your confidential and complimentary session today at 561-299-1028.