Self Help

Common Verbal Abuse Phrases

Mateja Petje
June 20, 2020

Common Verbal Abuse Phrases

Harsh words and Criticism

Do you feel Victimized?

Let’s talk now about “Common Verbal Abuse Phrases” like constant criticism. Are you or is somebody you know exposed to verbal and emotional abuse and constant criticism? First, never doubt for a second that you don’t deserve to be in relationships free from domestic violence. This Blog is entitled “Common Verbal Abuse Phrases“ and is dedicated to you. Please take time to read on! All my life I’ve been an advocate of stopping verbal and emotional abuse at its roots. To give you an example. It is extremely unhealthy for a relationship when one partner constantly criticizes another. What relationship can withstand all the criticism? It is so unhealthy. Many times verbal and emotional abuse is just a stepping stone to physical abuse.

Unfortunately, I’ve also been a victim of verbal, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse since a very early age. As you might imagine it has taken me many years of therapy and healing to find forgiveness in my heart. Yet something as deep as this can never go away.

Mateja Petje Verbal Abuse- Criticism

Harsh words and criticism still hurt me. However, now I am able to say NO! This is not acceptable. Furthermore, I can then detach from people who mistreat me. You see I’m a “Highly Sensitive Person”. You know what? I’m not ashamed about that anymore! Verbal and emotional abuse takes a toll.

Verbal Abuse- “Highly Sensitive People”

Recently, I wrote a terrific blog on the subject of “Highly Sensitive People.” Verbal abuse often involves yelling. I want to provide you a link to that Blog because it would be great for you to access that information.

Highly Sensitive People

Mateja Petje Verbal Abuse- Author

I describe my spiritual journey in my book “My Journey to Self-Discovery, A Memoir of my Slovenian Roots and Growth in America” which can be purchased by going to my website Home page.

Natural Stress Management Website

Alternatively, you can visit LULU.com and purchase a copy.

Lulu.com

Mateja Petje, M.S, LMFT,- My Book

I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist as well as a Spiritual Counselor and Certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner. I’m also the Founder of Holistic Coaching International.

This is a mind-body-spirit coaching practice. It is designed to help individuals achieve more balance in their lives. I was born in Slovenia and graduated from the University of Ljubljana where I obtained my BS in Education and English. Then in October 1997, I moved to Miami FL.

Mateja Petje Verbal Abuse- Training

In 2003 I obtained my Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from the University of Miami. Now I have over 20 years of experience in counseling and coaching. My coaching style is based on my unique background and experiences. As well as I have a blend of Eastern and Western teachings that I have been perfecting over the years.

My passion resides in alternative medicine, energy healing, meditation, and metaphysics. For over twenty years I have invested in extensive training. This training has been in alternative healing methods including NLP and Clinical Hypnosis. This is why it is all too easy for me to see common verbal abuse phrases and signs that are relationship red flags. For example, when a partner criticizes relentlessly or constantly yells for no real reason.

Mateja Petje Verbal Abuse- Wrong people

I used to keep attracting the “wrong” people in my life. They mistreated me the same way that my mom did when I was young. For example, I was in a verbally abusive relationship at one point. So you can see how this is an ongoing healing journey for me. In a way, it was a blessing in disguise for me. If I didn’t learn how to heal and adopt techniques that worked, I wouldn’t have been able to help thousands of people in my clinical practice from all kinds of things such as verbal and emotional abuse they might be experiencing.

Women especially resonate with my story. It gives them hope! Hope inspires them to continue healing and working on self-love among other things. Here is where they will find positive change. Now hopefully, they will finally feel good about themselves and possibly have the courage to end a verbally abusive relationship they might be in.

Mateja Petje Verbal Abuse- Family

The worst thing is when the abuse starts with your family members. Remember they of course are the ones who are supposed to love you and protect you. I know how it feels to continuously walk on egg shelves. Remember, verbal and emotional abuse always takes a toll in some way, To be in constant fear that you will be severely punished, criticized, and humiliated is certainly no way to live. You have no self-esteem and you don’t trust people.

Now drama and a toxic environment are the norms for you. So when you find yourself in a relationship that is loving and peaceful you almost don’t know what to do with it. I say to my clients that if it is “boring” it is HEALTHY. However, if that is not the case you need to learn how to stay safe if you’re experiencing abuse.

Suzette Haden Elgin “You Can’t Say No To Me”

In her book, “You Can’t Say No To Me” Suzette Haden Elgin speaks about the importance of recognizing abuse. Awareness is the first step. Two major risk factors for illness and injury are HOSTILITY and LONELINESS. People who are hostile or lonely (or both) get sick and injured more often. Verbal abuse is literally DANGEROUS to our health. In the same way that contaminated food and polluted water and toxic waste.

I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression all my life which was directly related to the trauma associated with the abuse. Luckily, I knew early in my life that it is NOT MY FAULT. Working with a compassionate therapist was key to my healing. Remember, you DID NOT cause this in any way to be mistreated this way. Abusers will try to convince you that YOU made them this way. Don’t believe this!

Common Verbal Abuse Phrases- Guidelines:

1. No verbal abuser can achieve their goals of verbal abuse without the PARTICIPATION of a verbal victim. You know when you hear a common verbal abuse phrase someone might use. It should serve as a red flag.

2. Because it takes for both abuser and victim to carry out verbal abuse, the victim shares SOME responsibility for what happens and the victim is not helpless. I will add that you can leave the person or situation if the abuser is not open to getting professional help. But again you need to recognize there are common verbal abuse phrases that signal there is a problem. As I mentioned that might be something such as constant negative criticism or emotional abuse.

3. There are other ways that don’t involve pleading and interacting to achieve your goal of putting an end to the hurtful behavior. Don’t allow yourself to be a victim of insulting or name-calling. It is not acceptable to belittle your significant other. No partner can expect positive results when you constantly criticize and usually, it just makes things worse.

4. The ONLY way to deal effectively with the abuse is to use LANGUAGE (including body language) – make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR to the abuser that you WILL NOT serve as a verbal abuse victim. Realize verbal abuse is not always obvious to some. Meaning you might not even know whether or not you are a victim.