Mother’s Day Celebration
Celebrate Moms Influence
Defining Lifelong Relationships
Insights, experiences, and lessons learned
This blog is about Celebrating Mothers everywhere. It’s a Mother’s Day Celebration. But it’s also about the oftentimes complicated family dynamic that exists as well. But of course, it is more specifically about my own personal family story. “Mother’s Day Celebration” Blog is about insights, experiences, and some priceless lessons I’ve learned in my own life. For example, research shows Mothers play a huge, pivotal role in our lives. This is especially true when it comes to daughters. It’s a lifelong relationship and if you’re fortunate you can celebrate Moms’ influence.
Mother’s Day Celebration
In an ideal world, daughters receive love, attention, support, and wisdom from their moms. This way it enables them to go into the world and follow their dreams and passions. But, unfortunately, the world as we know is not perfect, so things don’t always go as planned.
Mothers’ Positive Influences
Fortunately, according to recent research, as discussed in the article in Psychology Today, most adults report positive relationships with their mothers. For example, 88% of adults say their mother has had a positive influence on them. In addition, 92% say their current relationship with their mother is positive. I’m curious what your opinion is. How do these numbers appear if we use you as an example? It’s something to think about.
Still, in my clinical practice, these numbers tend to be quite different. Many women, young or old, report having strained relationships with their mothers. So nothing to celebrate! Quite often, they suffer from low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and unfulfilled relationships. They blame themselves for not knowing what went wrong and why they cannot form a lasting loving relationship with a man. Many times they did not have a good role model as to what constitutes a healthy and loving relationship or a marriage.
Mother’s Day Celebration- Influences and Bonds
So the bond between mothers and daughters is very complex. The bond starts to already develop during pregnancy. Research shows that even fetuses can identify when their mom is stressed and therefore stress can indirectly affect the child’s emotional blueprint. This is a fascinating area of research I personally watch closely. Honestly, I believe I’ve experienced this in my own life.
Mother’s Day- Graduating Miami U
When I was pursuing my Master’s Degree at the University of Miami, I wrote my best essay. It was on the importance of a secure attachment with parents, and especially mothers. Those who are lucky enough get this kind of secure attachment. However, many others who are not so lucky suffer due to insecure and avoidance attachment. This is characterized by fear, anxiety, and feelings of abandonment.
Unfortunately, my experience was similar to many other daughters growing up in dysfunctional families. My family on my mother’s side has experienced generations of alcoholism and violence. Men tend to be violent and use alcohol as a coping mechanism. Many times this was an escape from mental and emotional illnesses, including PTSD. My grandfather suffered from PTSD and in the end, it cost him his life.
Mother’s Day Celebration- Coming to America
My mom was not an alcoholic. But she never healed from her own trauma. Instead, she lashed out mainly at me. In my tender teen years, I was abused physically, emotionally, and mentally. She never sought help for herself. This was just not something you did in her day. Seeking help for emotional and mental issues is still stigmatized even to this day.
Mother’s Day Celebration- My healing journey
To finally heal from Trauma I had to physically move across the ocean from Slovenia. Now imagine trading places with me. What if you had to move to the US to finally heal from your trauma. You see I’m the first in my family who “broke the cycle”. Frankly, I decided I didn’t want to live this kind of life moreover that I also deserve a healthy, loving relationship. In therapy, I learned a lot about myself. I learned for example why I developed Clinical Depression. My healing journey is long and it’s an ongoing process.
Mother’s Day Celebration- Many Blessings
At the same time, it was also a blessing in disguise as I have been able to help hundreds of women to heal from abuse, trauma, difficult relationships, low self-esteem. The women I’ve worked with now have confidence, improved relationships and they have made peace with the past.
Mother’s Day Celebration- Tips
1. Forgive your mom and let go. Write a letter to your mom expressing everything and then burn it. You are doing this for your sake so that you don’t carry this burden. Your defining lifelong relationships in your own way.
2. Think about all the good stuff. Don’t always dwell on the bad stuff. One of my fondest memories is when my mom brought me breakfast in bed on Saturdays.
3. Be your own best parent. Think about what you have always needed from your mom but never got it. Pamper yourself.
4. Remember that your mom is just doing the best that she can. She learned all she knows from her mother.
5. When your mom starts with her “usual” nagging, or she is being negative or critical, just gently disengage. Set the boundaries and practice “tough love”.
Celebrate Mom’s influence everywhere! Hopefully, you’re fortunate enough to have good insights, experiences, and lessons learned when you think of Mom. Thank you for reading “Mother’s Day Celebration Blog”!
Substance abuse and co-occurring disorders
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For information about substance abuse and co-occurring disorders visit AmericanAddictioncenters.org
This photo is from when I visited home in 2007! I’m from Slovenia as you might have read. It is an amazing country! Celebrate! If you want to explore here is a terrific link.
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